The transition from colleagues to lovers to partners is a natural process. The only question is, can you maintain a normal working life and balance a relationship too? For one thing, it's definitely
convenient but is it healthy spending so much time together? In most cases, the natural progression to committed partner's leads to one having to find another job but can be well worth it for a long, happy, well-balanced relationship.
I came across this article and thought it is wise to share it with you.
Source: Business Daily
I work as a salesman in Industrial Area in Nairobi. I am 29. My problems started when I began dating my boss’s secretary. I have received two warning letters over dwindling sales and have been warned of a transfer to Kisumu. While I don’t think I have the worst record, I tend to think I am being harassed because of the secretary.
I am thinking of making two choices: concentrate on my job or continue dating her. What I am wondering is: Don’t I have a right to date a co-worker?
Your challenge is very typical of men and women of your age. You are at a point in your life where society expects you to “settle” down and become serious, both at work and in your personal life.
It is at this age that parents, uncles and aunts jump to conclusions each time they see you with a girl. Any sign that you might be getting a little serious either by introducing her to any of your relatives or being seen often with her is taken as a sign that there will be a wedding soon. It is this type of not so subtle pressure that leads young men and women to make serious mistakes in relationships.
A few years ago, we saw a girl about your age who was in a state of panic. She was hospitalised several times with panic attacks, which came mostly at night. During the attacks, she would have great difficulties breathing, her heart would run fast, she was sweating, was scared and felt she was going to die. She would run to the window for more fresh air.
At the accident and emergency department, she was examined and found to be “normal” in the sense that the heart and lungs were functioning well. On each occasion she would be sent home in a state of embarrassment. We saw her on the fifth visit to hospital that had led to her admission.
When all the drama had settled, and she was calm and able to tell her story, it became obvious that this young lady was going through a major transition in her life. Two older and a younger sister and brother had married in a span of five years. There was the expectation in the family that that year was going to be no exception and that she would be getting married in the tradition of a wedding a year. When she turned to her friends for support, the situation got worse. Of her five best friends from high school and university, all were either married with babies, pregnant or engaged.
It was then that she began to notice a young salesman (like you) and accepted coffee dates in the first instance, and in a few weeks the relationship blossomed. We saw her because the relationship was becoming difficult to sustain, leading her to greater stress.
This then led us into a discussion of advantages and disadvantages of relationships at the office. It was evident that one has to be careful about these things.
On the one hand it is clear that one can only have relationships with people they meet, either in church, work, estate, university or as in your case the office. Depending on your circumstances there is nothing wrong with a relationship starting off at the office. Many doctors for example end up getting married to fellow doctors or other health workers.
The advantage of meeting and dating a person from your workplace is that not only are you likely to have observed them more closely and for longer, but you are more likely to understand at least their work related stresses if they arise.
As has happened in your case, there are definite potential disadvantages. Your boss might fear that his secretary will give you information you should not have during pillow talk. He might also be concerned that work output by both of you will fall as you keep staring at each other during working time. You might cause distraction among other members of staff as they gossip about the relationship. Others might be jealous that the two of you seem so happy. In the event of a strain in the relationship, two employees would be affected rather than one. This situation would become worse in the event of a breakup.
The warning letters you have now received and the threat of transfer to Kisumu are your messages from your boss that there are dangers in this type of relationship, you are now old enough to face the issue with your lady.
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